Sharknado Feature – Apocalyptic Disaster Films

sharknado

The ridiculously fun comedy-horror film Sharknado is coming out on DVD! But instead of celebrating this exciting news, we think it’s of the upmost importance that we all stop and think about what we can learn from these very realistic, very scary disaster films. Because you never know when a shark-filled tornado might strike…

Alien Attacks
So the bad news is that aliens always have better weapons, armour and stamina than us. Always. They are also generally impervious to reason – not that they let you live long enough to negotiate. If you’re lucky, though, they’ll be let down by poor CGI or a convenient loophole that makes them fatally allergic to water, or something stupid. So you’ll either take back the earth, or at least die laughing.

mars attacks

Animal Disasters
This disaster sub-genre doesn’t seem to crop up too much; our guess is either because it’s extremely unlikely or because it’s too funny to be taken seriously. Killer birds, really? Giant, man-eating spiders? Actually, that one’s pretty terrifying. In such instances we recommend fighting fire with fire (literally – bomb them, burn them, that sort of thing). Or make like a sensible person and hide.

sharknado
Natural Disasters
Natural disaster films have taught us that the most important thing to do in such a situation is survive – you can’t exactly fight a storm, can you? Get inside, preferably high up, wrap up warm with your friends, burn some books to make a fire, and wait for your dad to come and rescue you. Also offer the pretty girl you’re trapped with your jacket, because good manners shouldn’t go out the window just because there’s a natural disaster.

day-after-tomorrow
Deadly Diseases
Not always a popular disaster choice, maybe because there’s really not very much you can do to combat a disease, unless you’re a scientist or a firm believer in the power of positive thinking. Basically, don’t socialise with anyone. Ever. It’s not worth it. At the very least, learn from Gwyneth Paltrow’s misfortune in Contagion and never shake hands with a chef.

contagion
Zombie Apocalypse
While technically a disease-based disaster, zombie apocalypses are a very popular sub-genre in this department. There are all kinds of zombies and unlikely heroes to play around with. In fact, have you ever noticed how rubbish the army is when faced with zombies? Seriously – they’re hopeless! So grab a gun (with a silencer – remember the zombie rules) and start practicing those head shots. Or do as Bill Murray does and pretend you’re a zombie so the hordes just pass on by. Fool proof.

zombieland

Sharknado is out on DVD and Blu-Ray from 7th October!

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